Bear blog

There's been a procession of terribly worried English Lit students coming through the library this morning.

"We've been set an essay on Twelfth Night and the library doesn't have any copies!" They all wailed.

"Nonsense!" I chided. "You're just not looking properly."

On to the catalogue I go only to discover that every single entry for all the hundreds of different volumes of Twelfth Night we have has been spelt incorrectly.

 

Twelth indeed!

I even found a twelvth!

I finally got round to listening to my OCD audio cassette yesterday afternoon. And what a thrilling ten minutes it was. My personal highlight was Dr Hilary Jones assuring me that my illness was *just* as valid as diabetes.

I feel better about myself now.

 

I also enjoyed indulging in a spot of compulsive cleaning whilst listening to Hilary's soothing tones. Very therapeutic.

Our library has a Short Loan collection made up of all the stuff that's in high demand. Stuff we like to keep close tabs on. So we keep it all behind the issue desk and if you want to take something from it, it has to go on your card. You can't just randomly peruse it in the library. And even then you only get it for four hours. If you bring it back late it's a £1 fine for every hour or part hour it's gone. We don't like to mess around.

 

This afternoon, a young lady came up to me and asked for five Short Loan items. After telling her that she could only take three at a time anyway, and her explaining that she didn't want to take them away she just wanted to leaf through them at the issue desk, I rather reluctantly went and got them off the shelves. Then I explained to her, very slowly and deliberately, that she was just to look at them at the issue desk and not to take them anywhere else. She nodded encouragingly at all this as if in acceptance. Then I told her that she should move up to another terminal so that I could serve the people behind her whilst she read. Which she did.

 

However, when I looked up from serving the next customer a couple of minutes later both young lady and five Short Loan items had vanished without a trace.

 

And an angry, scowling lap of the library, telling-off finger waggling in earnest, yielded neither.

 

The cheeky cow. She's in here somewhere because the Short Loans would have set off the alarm if she'd tried to get out. But God only knows where she's hiding. It's put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Most people seem to suggest that Chocfest is the best one-dayer of the year and I have to admit it's certainly up in the top three for me. We got there relatively early this year, despite having to wait for Darren to finish his crumpets. The young lad on the registration desk irritated me. But then young lads who frequent juggling conventions are apt to do that to me. And everyone cheered me up quite quickly after that. Barnesy sported a terribly fetching new 'do. Greg let me have a bit of a rummage through his stock 'cause he keeps providing me with duff clubs. Not that the quality of Beard merchandise is anything other than superb.

Alan and I hunted out and occupied the small gym with the intention of gettting stuck into seven club ultimates and/or eight clubs. And we didn't do badly. The ultimates clicked for the first time, even if it didn't look particularly pretty. It's quite a difficult pattern for someone who has trouble with the concept of 'floaty' throws. I prefer wanging 'em, personally. We had some of our better runs at eight through the day too which put Alan in a good enough mood to attempt six clubs back to back. I only wet myself a little bit.

Byjoty cleaned up in the games and provided me with chocolate buttons off the floor (albeit with a look of disgust), we had yummy fish and chips from down the road, and got to enjoy Dr Helen ranting around the theme of ethnicity.

I've decided to have a bash at scoring convention shows this year in an effort to provide myself with a reason to attend them. Observe:

• Good compere. New what he was doing. Didn't feel the need to fall back on clapping games. Was quick and efficient and funny. (+1)

• Digestive magic. Made me laugh. (+1)

• The Yorkie Bar Shits. Yet again their bit was well paced and entertaining for what it was (+1) but it was the same act they did last year plus a couple of pallets. I can't believe that kids that talented haven't progressed further in a whole year and I kinda wanted more. (-1) Unfortunately for them, I personally don't like them. They're young and tend to get under foot.(-1)

• Devil Stick Matt had a good bash but went on too long with stuff that wasn't all that thrilling to watch (-1). But he did do a couple of neat things and I took pity on him a bit. (+1)
  

• Dave Kelly had mad skillz, innit. (+1) And he managed to make his three ball stuff mildly entertaining. (+1)

• Jon Udry was the first person on the stage who actually looked like he was having fun. (+1) Plus, his hair makes him look like a golden retriever (+1). Poor music choice. (-1)
  

• The convention plugs were superb. Bungay was mentioned and I quivered with excitement (+1), and Miark was just Miark. (+1)

• The cake competition I'm never keen on. I could have forgiven it however if it hadn't been for the fact that it was supposedly a quick announcement. It wasnt. (-1) Personally, I'd be more than happy for them to dish the cake out with little signs to say who's is who's, announce the 3,2,1 places and have done with it. I don't really care what the judges thought of a cake some random I've never heard of made.
  

• The raffle was relatively quick but really, you should have a cake competition *or* a raffle. Not both. (-1)
  

• Dan was a skinny white man in a black vest playing with white bounce balls to vaguely European sounding music. (-1) It was a very 'meh' routine for me. (-1)

• Maxlastix was doing something I've never seen before (+1) and it happened to be stuff that was both entertaining and cringingly wrong. (+1)

• Tom started off his routine with no music again which makes him either arrogant or stupid after the reaction he got last time. Either way it put me immediately in mind of his Leeds act and I lost all impetus to be impressed. (-1) On the other hand, it was mercifully short. (+1) I really was bored by it though. (-1)

• Dave had the best music of the night (+1) and has perfected the art of looking to the audience for affirmation. (+1) He touched his nose/is my friend. (+1)

• Sean Blue is a white man in a black vest with three white balls. (-1) My initial reaction to his ball spinning, however, was "Shit!". (+1) Unfortunately, I hate shows to finish on ring acts just because I can't get excited about them and I like to leave a show feeling impressed. He should have done the ring stuff first and ended with the spinning three balls on one hand thing. (-1) His ring bit was long and arduous and I don't take pleasure from watching grown men make shapes with circles (-1)

Chocfest's show scores +4.
Very impressive to be that far into positive figures. The bar has certainly been set for the year.